Damn Muffins
by From Spark to Flame
Summary: /“Hello. I am your doctor. One of you friends brought you here. Now-““THEY ARE NOT MY FRIENDS! THEY ARE MY MINIONS!”“Your onions?”“I said MINIONS, NOT ONIONS!”/ All this because of one little muffin. Oh the horror it is to be Voldemort.


Disclaimer: Dudes, if I owned HP, would I really be on this site writing oneshots and drabbles about nothing in particular? No. So obviously, HP belongs to JKR and not to me. I don't own it. I don't make money off of it. You know the drill.

A/N: Actually, this story has a wierd/funny/odd/interesting story behind it. But I won't bore you with it now. I'll write it in my second A/N. Anyway, enjoy!

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I wearily opened my eyes, seeing a white ceiling. _Where am I? This doesn't look like my room or any room in my quarters._

With a sigh, I sat up, a pain shooting through my skull. A white room surrounded me. I was situated on a lumpy bed and there are wires and tubes attached to me everywhere. My arm were littered with needles which were connected to bags of liquids, in colors ranging from clear translucent to my favorite, a bloody deep red.

On the side, hovering over some equipment was a small, pudgy woman in a nurse's outfit. She sent me a look of concern. One that was laced with a bit of fear. Her eyes avoided mine, probably after seeing the deep red of the irises. A smirk rose to my features, knowing I freaked her out. She gulped and looked away.

A trembling, stuttering voice came out of her, "Um..M-May I h-ha-have y-your na-name?"

Immediately, a snarl rose to my features. I summoned up my own voice, which was laced with as much evil as I could muster and bellowed, "Do you not know? How could you not know? I am the great Lord Voldemort!"

Needless to say, I scared the muggle and she scampered out of the room, leaving my voice to echo through the room.

For those who don't know me; I am Lord Voldemort, The future ruler of the wizarding world.

Of course, I wasn't the ruler yet. No, I had to defeat the annoying brat by the name of Harry Potter first. Dumbledore, thankfully, was finally dead. I sighed and relaxed, trying to figure out how I got into a damn Muggle hospital.

What had happened? All I remember was eating a muffin at breakfast, celebrating Dumbledore's death…and then, I couldn't breathe. I had choked for air, feeling something lodged in my throat…The muffin. And then everything had gone black.

I remember waking up however. And then, when I realized that Crabbe was trying to do CPR on me, I passed out again…He was supposed to do the Heimlich Maneuver. I had it posted on the wall, dammit! There was a clear instruction on the wall of the dining hall about both the Heimlich Maneuver and CPR. Idiotic Crabbe. I didn't need his lips anywhere near mine.

I shuddered, thinking of the evil muffin of doom and the evil CPR of doom.

Someone probably brought me here, obviously. To a muggle hospital. Oh well. At least they were smart enough not to bring me to St. Mungo's. If they did, I'd be in Azkaban.

I sighed dejectedly.

A man in white walked into the room. "Hello. I am your doctor. One of your friends brought you here. Now-"

"THEY ARE NOT MY FRIENDS! THEY ARE MY MINIONS!"

"Your onions?"

"I said MINIONS, NOT ONIONS!" I felt a vein pulsing in my forehead at my anger. A snarl rose to my lips, and the doctor backed away slightly, looking scared. The man dressed in white pulled out his cell phone, and pressed a few numbers, his eyes never leaving me.

"Hello? Mental Insitute? It seems that we have a case over here? Can you send some backup? He looks dangerous." I gasped as the words reached my ears.

I jumped up, wrenching away the tubes and needles attached to me and growled, searching the infernal hospital robe for my wand. "My wand! My wand! Where the hell did you put me wand!" I screamed at the muggle in anger.

"Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!" Suddenly, men with arms rushed into the room.

"It's okay. It's okay. Calm down. I just want you to come with these nice men right here," motioning to the muggles pointing their weird contraptions at me. A just let out a snarl in reply, walking forward menacingly.

And then, a dart shot out from a man's contraption, hitting me on…my butt. The world became blurry; the figures and shapes going all fuzzy. I felt my knees hit the floor, soon followed with the rest of my body.

---------

Once again, I woke up to a white room. A white, padded room, sighing, I tried to get up, only to find my arms held in place. I blinked. And then, I turned my gaze downward, noticing a white jacket on me, keeping my arms crossed over my chest.

My eyes went wide, and my mouth opened, emitting a loud shriek of horror.

I was in…a mental institute. The person who came in, to give me my food told me so. The nurse kept her distance, placing a glass of juice with its straw poking out in front of me, along with a muffin.

Damn muffins!

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A/N: Hehe. I hope you guys liked that. I'm actually thinking about having a sequel for it...-laughs out loud- Yeah...What a funny sequel. Poor Voldy.

So the story goes: I was lookign through my mom's computer today when I noticed a narrative that my teacher had us write in 8th grade. Intruigued, I sent it to myself, surprised that my mom still had it. (She really needs to clean out her documents...I had sent that to her computer so I could print it from there because I couldn't print anything form my laptop. And then, I got a new laptop, so the files where gone) And so, when I opened it up, I was...appalled at my writing. It was atrocious. I literally cringed at the horrible grammar and spelling, not to mention the fact that it had no plot and that I kept switchign between past and present tense. -shudder- Needless to say, I tweaked it here and there and deleted a bunch of junk and added some more, and this happened.

So what do you guys think? Do you like it? I really want feedback. I love gettign reviews, even if they just say "LOL," because then, I know that I made soemone laugh. I, myself, was laughing quietly to myself as I wrote this. I was supposed to be doing my homework, so my parents were suspicious. -pout- But anyway, it doesn't take too long to click the review button and type something in. But those few seconds are what make me happy. They are practically what I live for....reviews. Okay. maybe that was a bit drammatic. But please spread the love and review! Peace out! hehe

XOXO

Flame

PS: I had typed all this junk(as in junk, I mean the A/Ns and the Disclaimer) before too, and then I accidentally pressed backspace...and everything was lost. -sob- I hate retyping it. It never seems as good.


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